I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
