this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
