i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
