woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
