I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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