i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
