my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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