Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who died my cat blue again?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
