Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
3pm strippers are depressing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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