just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
