hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
