It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
