ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
