this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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