he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
