either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize