Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
