I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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