i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
