I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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