he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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