you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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