i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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