Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
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she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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