well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
