just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
