just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
