I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
