Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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