Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
