my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize