the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
