I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
