i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
