my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
