Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
