your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So squirting runs in the family.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
