meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
