So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
