sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
