they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
