Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
