Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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