everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
