He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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