So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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