You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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