I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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