Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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