I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
