Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
