Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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