he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
