I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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