he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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