Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
