belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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