I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
