You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she pinky promised me she was 18
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
