Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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