it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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