Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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