No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
