U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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