He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
