We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
