my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Mom said you looked used
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
