Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
