john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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