i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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