I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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