The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
