I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
