Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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