I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize