the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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