are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
