We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
