I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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